Saturday, April 8, 2017

Everything Sucks

Broccoli and Bananas, killer combo.

When the only thing in your life that you were excited about disappears, you should wear big plastic fruit & veggie earrings to draw attention to yourself so you can focus on people making fun of you and not the inner sadness. Just something I've learned from personal experience. Also pizza helps. 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

*Cin Cin*


When my grandma was visiting me this past week, I found out that she drinks beer out of a wine glass... So classy, so weird. That seems off topic, but my point is whether you sip from a brown paper bag or use your finest china, I'm raising my metaphorical glass to all the ladies out there killing it on the daily. Happy International Women's Day! Thanks for existing everyday in a world that doesn't always feel welcoming or kind.

XOXO

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Dead Serious


Laid around all weekend on my death bed as my body succumbed to disease. I felt like the end was nigh for me but then I took some more cold medicine and I pulled through. 💪 Not the best weekend, but I caught up on The Bachelor and watched Moonlight and drank copious amounts of La Croix. Also drew this dumb doodle and ate some tacos, ehhhh. I'm so basic.

Bye!

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Breathe Deep.


I think most of the time we (as human beings) are thankful our nostrils point downwards so we can survive like, rainstorms and showers and snot, but I woke up this morning wishing (again) that I could flip my nose upside down and just really breathe in this storm that is brewing outside. 

Does anyone know what I mean? 

Anyways, someone posted this and I'll just leave it here...

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Dollar Dollar Bill, Y'all


Thank you, Tucson Gem & Mineral show for allowing me to bedazzle my alien fingies with lots and lots of weird rings. Everyone, please pay attention to my tight $ dollar sign $ ring. I think it ups my street cred, or something.

Also, I realize I bought like 9 black rings, but I'm like half goth so what did you expect?
Also part 2, maybe I should put my fingers to use and make some art soon? Instead of just decorating them like a gaudy grandma? Eh.

xoxo.


I might have bought a water bottle that had 24k gold painted on it... I mean, did I really have a choice? Hydration made classy. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Superpowers



I don't "get" superheroes and all of that, but I do have a really cool superpower! It's called being so fat that I hulk out of my shirts at work. Like just ripping sleeves off of a blouse because my arms are sausages and my shoulders are linebacker status. SUPER ATTRACTIVE, ask anyone.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Older Than Dirt

I've heard that it's all downhill after you turn 25.

Like, one day you're a youthful 24 year old who is able to touch their toes and shotgun a beer with no adverse effects and the next thing you know you're 25 and in Urgent Care being told you have carpal tunnel. Awh.

(Side note: I have never been able to touch my toes and the one time I shotgunned a beer, I absolutely hated it... but hypothetically those are cool mid-twenty activities. The carpal tunnel part is relevant to my life currently though.) 


My dad said this to me on Christmas morning after I opened some anti-aging creme I was gifted...
Subtle. Real subtle.

Granny Dani WAS my nickname (that people said behind my back) in high school so I'm not super surprised I have a soul of a 80 year old and the face of someone recently deceased.