How to Stop Apologizing: A Work in Progress

I've been absent and off the grid and thinking about everything else other than art and making things that make me feel things. BUT I made an exception and scrawled my 2018 New Years Resolution. Check out my past posts regarding New Years to see that I'm pretty serious about this stuff. This year I'm working on trying to stop apologizing for my existence. 

Every other word that comes out of my mouth at work is "sorry." And once I started to notice how frequently I apologize, I started to get more and more irritated with myself. Sorry to ask this question... Sorry for doing my job... Sorry for asking you to do you job... Sorry that you have to do that... Sorry that you're upset at that person... Sorry you have to work this weekend... Sorry I didn't drop everything I was working on to help you with your problem... Sorry I don't know the answer... Sorry that you lost your pencil... Sorry I'm breathing... Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

The more I say 'sorry,' the more I feel worthless. I feel like I'm taking up needed space, like I'm not good enough or worthy of anyone's time or attention. It's hard to break deeply embedded habits, so this year I researched and lettered instructions on how to work on and accomplish my resolution. 

Hope you all have a wonderful 2018! 

A Year In Review

Happy 2017, ya weirdos!

I spent my New Years Eve with my best friends being a tad bit glutinous. Let's just say I was not feeling too hot January 1st... Oops.

NYE is my favorite holiday, which I realize is very girly of me... but hey. I like dressing up, glitter, champagne, fireworks and the idea of someone feeling obligated to kiss me. I also like the idea of starting fresh and bettering myself and leaving the past behind. New Year Eve is never as fabulous as I imagine it to be, but it has the potential of being so great that I just keep trying to make the holiday love me back as much as I love it. (Story of my life. It's not working out.)

Anyways, most people I know refuse to make New Years Resolutions because they know they aren't going to keep them. I like to give my future self the benefit of the doubt; maybe I won't be as garbage as I was the year before... You never know! I also think it's beneficial to enter the new year with good intentions. I don't think it's wrong to set expectations for yourself and I think posting my resolutions online every year kind of holds me more accountable.

The word I can't get out of my head is "resilience." It's one thing I am focusing on in 2017. I want to be tougher this year. I want to grow and bounce back and keep trying even if I really don't want to. I want to be nicer to myself and practice more self love and be more mindful of my mental health. I want to hate myself less and recognize how much I am growing. 

I also like the idea of working hard and loving harder. Life is obviously more than a job and money. When I say hustling, I mean throwing myself (and my "art") out into the world. Creating more opportunities for myself and trying harder to make things that make me feel good. I want to try my best and allow myself to feel accomplished afterwards. 

I also want to be comfortable and happy. My favorite feeling is the peaceful, warm safety of my bed. I want to create more restorative niches like that in my life this year. (And I want to cuddle my cats more. That cool?)

Here's hoping, right?

Major cheesin'

I listen to this song every year on New Year's Day and it makes me kind of sad and kind of hopeful too. 

Thinking of you and wishing you well!

I designed these and drew the lettering for my family's holiday card. Printed by Haute Papier on peacock paper with brushed silver foil. 

Wishing everyone a bright and happy 2016! Hope it's off to a good start! 

PS.

My resolutions this year are a joke minus all the drawing I'm going to do and all the burgers I'm gonna eat.