How to Stop Apologizing: A Work in Progress

I've been absent and off the grid and thinking about everything else other than art and making things that make me feel things. BUT I made an exception and scrawled my 2018 New Years Resolution. Check out my past posts regarding New Years to see that I'm pretty serious about this stuff. This year I'm working on trying to stop apologizing for my existence. 

Every other word that comes out of my mouth at work is "sorry." And once I started to notice how frequently I apologize, I started to get more and more irritated with myself. Sorry to ask this question... Sorry for doing my job... Sorry for asking you to do you job... Sorry that you have to do that... Sorry that you're upset at that person... Sorry you have to work this weekend... Sorry I didn't drop everything I was working on to help you with your problem... Sorry I don't know the answer... Sorry that you lost your pencil... Sorry I'm breathing... Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

The more I say 'sorry,' the more I feel worthless. I feel like I'm taking up needed space, like I'm not good enough or worthy of anyone's time or attention. It's hard to break deeply embedded habits, so this year I researched and lettered instructions on how to work on and accomplish my resolution. 

Hope you all have a wonderful 2018! 

Older Than Dirt

I've heard that it's all downhill after you turn 25.

Like, one day you're a youthful 24 year old who is able to touch their toes and shotgun a beer with no adverse effects and the next thing you know you're 25 and in Urgent Care being told you have carpal tunnel. Awh.

(Side note: I have never been able to touch my toes and the one time I shotgunned a beer, I absolutely hated it... but hypothetically those are cool mid-twenty activities. The carpal tunnel part is relevant to my life currently though.) 

My dad said this to me on Christmas morning after I opened some anti-aging creme I was gifted...
Subtle. Real subtle.

Granny Dani WAS my nickname (that people said behind my back) in high school so I'm not super surprised I have a soul of a 80 year old and the face of someone recently deceased.

You Can't Polish a Turd...

Or even a really poopy Sunday doodle! Being without a computer when I mainly edit and produce all my crappy art digitally is really, really frustrating, embarrassing and discouraging. 

Normally when I make patterns, I paint whatever, scan my pages, fix it all up in Photoshop, rearrange the pieces until I'm satisfied and then play around with the background color. Obviously not possible when I'm putting color straight down on paper, but hey, I'm trying to get better at producing art on the spot. And... I got a long way to go. 

This older guy at work stopped me last week and sweetly said "I don't mean to be forward, but have you been dieting? You look quite slender." And I have been celebrating that compliment all week with junk food galore! Slender?! Me?! Okay! I doodled some puffy Cheetos and Cap'n Crunch because that's all I have been eating lately. It's a super healthy new diet I am trying out called IDGAF.

Anyways, it's okay to not produce awe-worthy art all the time (or any of the time in my case.) Drawing the shitty stuff forges the path to drawing the less shitty stuff which in turn pours the foundation for drawing the mediocre stuff! It's all a process and being transparent and vulnerable during that process is key.

Tell me how you really feel!

When a coworker you don't even know stops you at 6 am to say this... And your response is "Uh, nah, I intentionally combed my hair to look like this..." Ugh, thanks for the feedback! I guess my pineapple-pony on top of my head isn't as well received as my mirror was telling me. Hahahaha... don't care. 

To be fair, I have no idea what my hair is doing 99.6% of the time; it has always been its on entity. *Shoulder shrug*

PS. My computer has been dead for 2 weeks now and I'm waiting to order a new MacBook. I'm Netflix-less, Photoshop-less and basically useless so this is as "arty" as I can get right now. 

Pretend I posted this on Earth Day

Earth Day was a week ago and I never posted what I was up 'cause I was too busy celebrating this planet!

How did you celebrate the Earth on its special day (and everyday?) I like to walk to the grocery store when I can, use reusable bags and bottles, shower irregularly, use both sides of my sketchbook pages, paint by candlelight (LOL, to save electricity though!)and take long naps that slow down my breathing so I emit less CO2 into the atmosphere.

In all seriousness, I do try my best to love the earth and be good to it! Hope you guys are too!

The 3 P's

Popcorn. Pacey. Pattern making.

Spending my night watching Dawson's Creek, eating too much popcorn (as per usual,) and painting lots of patterns in my sketchbook. Not making anything serious, but I had fun playing around and mixing watercolors with my new set of gouaches.

The pattern to the left is inspired by a craving for some chocolate chip cookies. *Super serious artist*

Bare Your Teeth

Cold like a DQ blizzard

How to survive your first blizzard? With incredible fashion. Like, just really, really great, mismatched lounge wear. 

Mostly focused on popcorn.

Hey, I'm not mad about being snowed in. 

Proof of life

Quick post of a late night doodle so everyone knows I'm alive and occasionally making things.

Don't cry if this resonates with you, it's just a scarily accurate quote from My Name is Earl. Darnell Turner is my homie.

Ladies Drawing Night

It's weird meeting people you idolize, like, good weird. I got to be a part of a Ladies Drawing Night here in DC hosted by some of my absolute favorite illustrators and (clearly) my inspirations, Julia Rothman, Leah Goren and Rachael Cole.

I'll skip the part where a 27 minute commute took me an hour and the part where I looked for a parking spot for 20 minutes and the part where I stumbled to the building and found the door locked because I was 24 minutes late... And go straight to the part where I was warmly greeted by Rachael and invited to enter a cozy, Christmas lit room full of girls sitting together getting their art supplies out to start making things. (Run on sentence.)

Since I was fashionably late, I missed the chance to sit down and instead found a small bar table and got some markers and sign pens and chipboard out to sketch on. I immediately got to meet all my favorites and they told me I was cool for bringing candy and showered me with wine. (I took the cool part very seriously, obviously.) We then spent the next hour and a half posing for each other and just drawing. I personally didn't pose because I'm shy as crap when in a room full of strangers but I got to draw a lot of pretty girls and that was dope. The room had a ton of ladies aging from 8 years old to like, I don't know 60? All using different mediums, all with different styles, some "known" in the art world, some like me- nobodies, and some who have never drawn before. 

(My giant head in the foreground)

It was finally a chance to interact with the creatives of DC and see who is making what. I can't say figure drawing is my best talent (ask my college professor, he said I sucked,) but hey, I had fun! 

I also got drawn by Leah which is honestly all I needed in life. Arrow pointing me, duh. 

I then had to walk back to my crazy far parking spot in the dark in a really sketchy neighborhood and got some nice catcalls from some class A jerks. A suburban full of guys drove past and made fun of my chubby legs and I was traumatized. Especially since I just bought the skirt I was wearing and I thought it was flattering... Haha! But that just fuels my creativity, so it's cool.

Diagram sketch of the outfit I was wearing when I got yelled at. 

Now I'm on a real drawing kick! More soon!

Marimekko inspired flowers in gouache. 

My idea of a perfect day...

Rainy (there is a literal hurricane brewing outside right now...) chilly, wearing leggings and an oversized sweater, a big breakfast, blankets, a pot of hot coffee, a glass of ice water, painting/drawing while binge watching a shitty show, cuddling with my cats and maybe an afternoon nap. Plus ice cream, always ice cream.

Homebody forever. 

Catching up

Digitally doodled some Mom Jeans the other night (queue SNL's short starring Amy Poehler) just for fun!

I love moms in general, mine especially :)
(In a cool, not creep way. Duh!)

And got commissioned to letter this cute quote from my favorite 3rd grade book, Fantastic Mr. Fox! It's going in a little boy's nursery that happens to be fox themed. Love it! So sweet :) 

More soon,

Xoxo