How to Stop Apologizing: A Work in Progress

I've been absent and off the grid and thinking about everything else other than art and making things that make me feel things. BUT I made an exception and scrawled my 2018 New Years Resolution. Check out my past posts regarding New Years to see that I'm pretty serious about this stuff. This year I'm working on trying to stop apologizing for my existence. 

Every other word that comes out of my mouth at work is "sorry." And once I started to notice how frequently I apologize, I started to get more and more irritated with myself. Sorry to ask this question... Sorry for doing my job... Sorry for asking you to do you job... Sorry that you have to do that... Sorry that you're upset at that person... Sorry you have to work this weekend... Sorry I didn't drop everything I was working on to help you with your problem... Sorry I don't know the answer... Sorry that you lost your pencil... Sorry I'm breathing... Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

The more I say 'sorry,' the more I feel worthless. I feel like I'm taking up needed space, like I'm not good enough or worthy of anyone's time or attention. It's hard to break deeply embedded habits, so this year I researched and lettered instructions on how to work on and accomplish my resolution. 

Hope you all have a wonderful 2018! 

Breathe Deep.

I think most of the time we (as human beings) are thankful our nostrils point downwards so we can survive like, rainstorms and showers and snot, but I woke up this morning wishing (again) that I could flip my nose upside down and just really breathe in this storm that is brewing outside. 

Does anyone know what I mean? 

Anyways, someone posted this and I'll just leave it here...

Superpowers

I don't "get" superheroes and all of that, but I do have a really cool superpower! It's called being so fat that I hulk out of my shirts at work. Like just ripping sleeves off of a blouse because my arms are sausages and my shoulders are linebacker status. SUPER ATTRACTIVE, ask anyone.

Older Than Dirt

I've heard that it's all downhill after you turn 25.

Like, one day you're a youthful 24 year old who is able to touch their toes and shotgun a beer with no adverse effects and the next thing you know you're 25 and in Urgent Care being told you have carpal tunnel. Awh.

(Side note: I have never been able to touch my toes and the one time I shotgunned a beer, I absolutely hated it... but hypothetically those are cool mid-twenty activities. The carpal tunnel part is relevant to my life currently though.) 

My dad said this to me on Christmas morning after I opened some anti-aging creme I was gifted...
Subtle. Real subtle.

Granny Dani WAS my nickname (that people said behind my back) in high school so I'm not super surprised I have a soul of a 80 year old and the face of someone recently deceased.

A Year In Review

Happy 2017, ya weirdos!

I spent my New Years Eve with my best friends being a tad bit glutinous. Let's just say I was not feeling too hot January 1st... Oops.

NYE is my favorite holiday, which I realize is very girly of me... but hey. I like dressing up, glitter, champagne, fireworks and the idea of someone feeling obligated to kiss me. I also like the idea of starting fresh and bettering myself and leaving the past behind. New Year Eve is never as fabulous as I imagine it to be, but it has the potential of being so great that I just keep trying to make the holiday love me back as much as I love it. (Story of my life. It's not working out.)

Anyways, most people I know refuse to make New Years Resolutions because they know they aren't going to keep them. I like to give my future self the benefit of the doubt; maybe I won't be as garbage as I was the year before... You never know! I also think it's beneficial to enter the new year with good intentions. I don't think it's wrong to set expectations for yourself and I think posting my resolutions online every year kind of holds me more accountable.

The word I can't get out of my head is "resilience." It's one thing I am focusing on in 2017. I want to be tougher this year. I want to grow and bounce back and keep trying even if I really don't want to. I want to be nicer to myself and practice more self love and be more mindful of my mental health. I want to hate myself less and recognize how much I am growing. 

I also like the idea of working hard and loving harder. Life is obviously more than a job and money. When I say hustling, I mean throwing myself (and my "art") out into the world. Creating more opportunities for myself and trying harder to make things that make me feel good. I want to try my best and allow myself to feel accomplished afterwards. 

I also want to be comfortable and happy. My favorite feeling is the peaceful, warm safety of my bed. I want to create more restorative niches like that in my life this year. (And I want to cuddle my cats more. That cool?)

Here's hoping, right?

Major cheesin'

I listen to this song every year on New Year's Day and it makes me kind of sad and kind of hopeful too. 

Creative Criticism

Trimmed my hair, like, 3 inches??? and everyone at work had a hay day? It doesn't even look different, I don't understand. 

My favorite interaction after a haircut is the classic:

Other Person: "Did you cut your hair??!"

You: "Yeah." 

Other Person: "... Okay" 

Like, that person is SO disappointed in your appearance they can't even say one nice thing. Or pretend to say something nice. Or be human and be compassionate. They just have to point out that you made a huge mistake and then walk away.

Or:

Stranger: "Did you get a haircut?"

You: "Yeah."

Stranger: "Well, do YOU like it?"

You: *mental middle finger* 

Or:

Dude: "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

You: "What?"

Dude: "YOUR HAIR!!!!!!"

You: "Alright."

People are kind of the worst. Just sayin'

Remember, Remember

I don't have mantras because those sound pretentious and really snotty and annoying but I do obsessively repeat words over and over trying to convince my brain to believe them. That sounds cooler, right?

These are nothing new or exciting but I had to write them out to see 👀 tonight because I was in a real bratty mood all day and I needed to get over it big time. I'm really struggling with #3 right now and that's all I'm going to say.

'Night! 

Nap Queen

I have had a crappy last couple days and I really, really want to run away because that's my instinct and I'm embarrassed as all heck... BUT I'm trying to be tough so I'm just going to nap a lot instead. Don't be like me, kids.  

*Charles Barkley voice* I am not a role model.

Sweet Nothings

My favorite part of the weekend is the part where I spend the majority of my 48 hours of freedom sitting and doing absolutely nothing. I feel semi jipped weekend-wise because I have been super busy these past couple days. (Ugh, popularity!)

No, I had a good weekend filled with lots of art shows and open studios and my best friend's birthday party. I ate way too much good stuff this weekend too, like I ate an illegal amount of cake, I don't want to talk about it.

I went to the grocery store Saturday night and the cashier said the weirdest thing about my hair. I'm not surprised because almost everyday someone says something poopy about my hair, but I honestly had no idea how to react to this one...

Word for word quote. The young man had a way with the English language, that's for damn sure. 

A mullet?!? C'mon. No. 

Ugh. It's cool, you guys can keep calling me Amy Winehouse and asking if I ever done my hair "normally," I'll just be over here crying and keeping all my rude comments to myself because I'm decent and have manners. 

I must be sort of special to warrant constantly receiving the strangest, most honest observations about my appearance and/or self worth/character. Like, a bad kind of special, ya know? 

A random coworker said I should shed my current personality because it's much too high strung and stressful. Awh! Romantic. Will do. 

People are the BEST. Keep saying the weirdest things to me, guys. It's working.

The best photo background ever. The subject matter? Debatable. 

World Mental Health Day

Pick Me Up
(But seriously, I have given up on knowing what is coming up next.)

Hey there! Sorry for the lack of updates, it's not because there is a lack to update you all about. Things have happened, promise. More on that later.

Wanted to quickly post about World Mental Health Day because well... it's important. To me and to a lot of my loved ones. 

A ton of people comment that I'm pretty open about "what's wrong with me" and they are usually surprised (that I am willing to talk about it, not that I have a disease. That's obvious haha.) Mental health has a stigma and it's so awkward and weird to talk about. Like, if you have any sort of mental issue, people assume you're a psychopath. My brain's not healthy, but it's not all bad. Anyways... after silently suffering for a long time, being open about the downs in my life has really helped me connect with others and more importantly, my own self and my own truth. That sounds lame, I get it, but I don't think there is a way to make that sound hip or cool, so I am just leaving it. 

Art has always been a therapeutic experience for me (duh!,) especially hand lettering. Even though I have recently lost a lot of motivation and I have been described by some to "be in a rut," I am still really trying to make things whenever I have the mental energy. 

Last week I got Adam J. Kurtz's new book, Pick Me Up and honestly... the man can do no wrong. I have been ~mildly~ obsessed with him since college and wow, him making a feelings journal is basically dreams coming true. I have been forcing myself to sit down and draw or write at least once a day and I have been enjoying myself. (Side note: wow, what an eloquent book review.) 

I also sat down and made this quickly. It's a random quote I read somewhere that I typed into the notes on my phone (sorry, no source?!) but I obviously connected with it. This is not a call for help, so don't freak out. Like, seriously, I'm cool guys. 

Anyways, let's all be nice to each other and smile more and also be open to talking about all the feelings that we're feeling. It's okay to not feel okay. It's okay to be sad. 

XOXO,

D

This is another quote I made real, real quick. It's from Shameless when that drunk professor schools Lip on life. He says "We only have two jobs on this Earth: to learn and to cope." Ain't that the truth?

Tell me how you really feel!

When a coworker you don't even know stops you at 6 am to say this... And your response is "Uh, nah, I intentionally combed my hair to look like this..." Ugh, thanks for the feedback! I guess my pineapple-pony on top of my head isn't as well received as my mirror was telling me. Hahahaha... don't care. 

To be fair, I have no idea what my hair is doing 99.6% of the time; it has always been its on entity. *Shoulder shrug*

PS. My computer has been dead for 2 weeks now and I'm waiting to order a new MacBook. I'm Netflix-less, Photoshop-less and basically useless so this is as "arty" as I can get right now. 

My Week In Review

Quick, messy gouache doodles.

I've been having a weird past couple weeks. They've been really frustrating and embarrassing and awkward and... sweaty? (Sweat seems to be a strong theme, awesome.) Doodled out some of my anger this afternoon instead of taking a rage nap and I feel a lot better. Like, obviously more sleepy but not as mad.

No real way to explain the random bits and pieces I illustrated above other than to dive right in? Here are a few quick snippets of my bizarre week:

• I was driving to work at like 5 am and I pass a cemetery and I notice a lady taking a shit on a grave stone. Why? Also: seeing a middle age butt that early in the morning is not ideal.
• Talked to a jabroni at work and he said I didn't look Italian except for my hairy arms. So romantic and sweet of him. Not at all self conscious now. (Silver lining? I don't get cold easily. Also, clearly it's a conversation starter.)
• Developed a sweet sweat mustache that just seems to permanently rest on my upper lip. Thanks, humidity, you're a bitch. #realwomensweat
• Really wanted to flip off almost everyone I interacted with this week but very thankful for my self control and vivid imagination.
• Had a panic attack during work today because something triggered me and I couldn't breathe. I was cold sweating like a son of a gun and had to go to the bathroom to dry my armpits under the hand dryers in there. Side note: this was incredibly effective. Second side note: I know hand dryers are germ traps from hell but my armpits were a lost cause at this point. 

Also got called 'eccentric' today by a stranger, so thumbs up forever for being the weirdest human being alive without even trying.

I'm Headed DOWNTOWN!

As you know, I work with StudioDIY to create some kick butt, totally cute graphics and printables for their cool and colorful blog! I love it, truly.

Here is one of the projects I finished in March that just got blogged about! (Side note: SO hard to keep an exciting project secret for so long! But I DID IT.)

Anyways, it's a Choose Your Own Adventure guide to how to successfully spend a day in Downtown L.A. and it looks like SO much fun! Road trip, anyone?... Like for serious. 

Number one reason it looks so AMAZING is all the yum snacks! Food is my most favorite expense and hobby. (StudioDIY, you have my heart.)

It involved a lot of lettering, which I am totally about! But I can be so picky about how my writing looks, so even though it looks cute and casual, I put in some major love perfecting it all!

Anywho, fun project and I made a cute little Instagram teaser too :) 

I painted a palm tree quick and made a pattern and laid the title of the piece on top!  (Funny story, I didn't have ANY palms in the original piece, but after making the teaser all about them... I had to add them at the top of the guide! Cohesion. Oops.)

The silly pattern.

The Instagram teaser!

Another version of a potential Instagram teaser- this one was unused but I still like it :)
(Rough texture of the letters is from actual gouache painting of words that were scanned in.)

Always looking forward to working with StudioDIY again! If you want to check the post out for yourself (you should!!!,) just click here!

And for the heck of it (and to pay homage to the title of this post...)

Ooooh, Mack is too real. 

Cryday the 13th

Any day in the life of Danielle could be considered Cryday (I'm emotional,) but today is actually Friday the 13th and it's time for my favorite tradition! Tattoo parlor around the world (probably, did not fact check) have Friday the 13th tattoo specials and looking at all the really bizarre, terrible gag ideas they come up with (and that people wait in line for!) is just... hilarious. Some places here ink people for $13 and it's really great. (Check out the tag #fridaythe13thtattoos and then thank me later.)

Clockwise from the top left: Rob McElchenny a la Always Sunny, dumb bone tattoo idea to show you're tough, a WAHHHbulance, a cool LL Cool J reference, sad toaster strudel, Kylie Jenner's lips and Sandlot reference.

Anyways, last year, I came up with my first flash sheet making fun of the idea of cheap, perfunctory tattoos, and I had time to dream up some new ones last night. (I'm honestly questioning why no one is questioning why I drew a sad toaster strudel...)

Side note: this is not directed at anyone in particular, I'm just having fun! I honestly don't care if you get cheap tattoos or expensive tattoos or if they do or don't have meaning. PLEASE consider getting Mac tattooed onto your neck though, I would really love to see someone appreciate my creativity. THX

Sick As A Dogg

Guys, the past couple days have been THE WORST. I thought I had some food poisoning but it ended up being the full blown stomach flu and I got everyone I know sicker than sick! I feel terrible! I ended up sleeping for 3 days straight after a night spent napping on my bathroom floor (gross, I know) and I am just starting to feel human again. Sipping that 7-Up and snacking on saltines until get my appetite back. Ugh!

Stay well, homies. 

Bare Your Teeth

A Way With Words...

If you ever speak to me, ever, I will memorize every word you say and replay it in my mind and analyze the shit out of it, no matter why or who or when or where or any of the other "w's." Part of that is because I'm a sensitive girl with feelings and the other part is because I'm introverted and anxious as hell and think constantly even though I really really don't want to. 

Anyways, I usually write out a lot of the words people say to me in my sketchbook- just to get them out of my brain and onto some paper. I make them look pretty or ugly (depending on how they were directed at me, which may seem obvious but... ) and this sentence from last night, kept playing in my mind. Pretty funny thing to say to someone, but also a pretty okay compliment.

Of course, I had to decide to make each letter out of sunflower seed illustrations and that was fun and tedious and kind of a painful creative decision on my part.

Anyways, here's some word art for you to look at and laugh at and wonder about and make fun of. Try it out on all the ladies and gents out there! I heard it works best with birds and other critters that have a seed-based diet. 

♥ ♥ ♥

Happy International Women's Day!

Girls support girls because life isn't a competition and I hope we all make it. 

"To like, Arizona"

Anyone else watch Judd Apatow's new series on Netflix, Love? I watched it in a day (it was like, ten hours so that's not even that bad... right?) Anyways, did a quick doodle (literally, ~10-15 minutes water coloring the elements, quickly scanned it and photoshopped it all together!) This quote was probably meaningless to anyone who isn't me, but I'm sad and wanted to make something and here that something is.

Just Dinking Around!

I'm no stranger to the ol' Shrinky Dink magic. My dear friend Emily Orzel and I reignited our childhood love for the craft back in college when we made pins for our zine, Washed Out. We were way ahead of the whole pin game that has taken over Instagram but I'll try not to brag about that now... 

Anywho, enamel pins are back and big as ever and if you want to be a relevant, hip artist, you are turning your line art into metal pins and slinging it to anyone who digs your style. It's great to bask in the golden age of pins, I am all about poking holes into my jean jacket or my army jacket with illustrations that show who ~I really am~. And literally anything you have ever wanted to express yourself is made into a pin now a days. It's amazing. From The Smoking Man to lady products to Mrs. Doubtfire and Mike Tyson to Olde English in a paper bag. Literally anything you want. Anything... But my art. 

I don't know how to get into the enamel game and I don't think anyone would want to buy my shit and I am not financially able to make risks like that. So the alternative is... Shrinky dinks! 

I made a bunch of random doodles into a bunch of hunks of plastic and watched how they shrunk to a third of their printed size and expanded to 9x's their widths. It was fascinating. Still. (The packaging does suggest that teens and adult use this product, so no shame!) 

These pins aren't for sale, they were made for a special purpose and a cool lady and are off in the mail as we speak. 

I pinned the pins onto swatches of my pattern designs and they turned out pretty dang cute. 

This heart eyes pin set would've been so cute for a Valentine!

Do you guys want some dinked pins of my art? No? Okay, cool.

PS. Before you go and start thinking I'm a magical magician of a human being (I'm not. At all.) Check this picture out: 

Perfectly imperfect. I messed up like 3 full sheets of dinks because they got too hot and the inks melted together and couldn't unfold in the oven. It's a game of chance- nothing comes out perfect and hey, that's pretty cool. 👌🏻